LETTING GO...
Today, I've finally freed myself from anger and hatred. Forgiveness is slowly creeping into my system and it's making me feel a lot better.
I've had a dinner date with a long-time friend, Peewee. We've been close friends since 4th year highschool and he's one of my barkadas. We've never seen each other since july 7, and it's been six months already. We had lots of stories to share and issues to talk about, and one of those was my misunderstanding with my bestfriend.
We meet up at Yellow Cab in Robinson's Place Ermita, 'cause I know that's one of his favorite food chain.
We both love to eat and it's our common ground along with my bestfriend. We ordered New York's Finest, Charlie Chan Chicken Pasta and Ice tea. (Yum Yum! I've been craving for pasta and pizza, and this is definitely the best way to ease the cravings... hmmm...)
I know he misses the old times when we used to have christmas parties and birthday surprises. It's been more than a year since we haven't celebrated special ocassions together, 'cause me and my bestfriend were not in good terms. I know he's torn between us, but I have to congratulate him for being fair. He was never one-sided. (Thank you for understanding dude!). Like him, I also misses those times that we used to cook and eat together, plan birthday surprises, watch movies and food trip at the mall. I miss those kulitans and long talks. In short... I miss our barkada.
During this time that I know my bestfriend would be facing one of the greatest challenge in her life, I want to be beside her, maybe not as a bestfriend, but as a friend (I don't want to use that label anymore, 'cause bestfriends = expectations). I've told myself that there would be no turning back, but now, the walls that surrounded my heart is slowly crashing down and it's slowly giving way for forgiveness to enter my heart. Peewee was right on saying that we are old enough to cling on past quarrels, so I have to let go and move on.
According to Sylvia Clare & David Hughes author of Living the Life You Want, letting go does not mean losing or having to give something up. Letting go is simply making a decision - no longer to allow something from the past to influence your life now or to reduce your inner sense of peace and well-being. I want to start the year right, so I've decided to finally put a closure to my past quarrel with my bestfriend, and Peewee and I already have a plan.
It is true that forgiveness is not a gift we give to others, but a gift we give to ourselves. Forgiveness begins with an act of will, a decision to be victor rather than victim. The price we are paying for the resentment is simply too high, that is why we forgive. It's for ourselves, not for them. It's for our own quality of life. (from Anger and Forgiveness by Earnie Larsen) Letting go is to be free of the issues that hinder us from moving on and enjoying a better kind of life. We don't need strength to let go of something. What you really need is UNDERSTANDING. (Cosmo Mag)
Malyn Cristobal, counselor in The Living Free Foundation, said, "In any attachment, there's been an emotional investment. That's why it's hard to let go." We've been through a lot, and we've been friends for 7 years already. It's not reasonable to end it just because of a petty quarrel. We've all invested a lot of time, effort and emotions to this friendship and we've promised to stick together forever.
I know she also misses me, and that's according to our common friends. I know she wants the friendship back. Those unanswered text messages and emails she sent me, spells SORRY. So I guess, we both learned from this experience, and we both have to move on. It would never be the same friendship that we had before, but it's not too late to start re-building it.
Thanks to Peewee, I've realized how much I missed our barkada, errr.... or maybe it's because of the pizza?! Watchatink??? :D
